Thursday, June 15, 2017
You Are So Dearly Missed
On 2 June 2017, I woke up to a text from my mom at 7.18am. It read:
Po po Pat pass away at 1.45am
at A. Hosp.
She will be at St Teresa church parlour.
For a split second, the words couldn't register properly. I re-read the message at least thrice, and even before the weight of the message sunk in, I called my mom to ask her what the hell happened. She didn't have much information at that time. She didn't have the details of how she passed away. Neither did she know what time Popopat's body would be ready at the parlour. For the first time, my mom told me, she didn't know what to do. She said, all we can do is wait now. She told me she would update me again.
I don't quite remember what happened when I hung up the phone. I remember crying a bit, frantically searching my phone to see the last photo I took with her - I found it, exactly a month ago on 2 May. I remember seeing how frail and skinny she had become over the past few months. I remember how I told her goodbye that afternoon, and that I loved her, and I'd bring her out for that dinner we never got round to having together.
I thought I could be rather eloquent in writing this, but the words just can't seem to come out now. I thought I would be able to recall past memories with her, from when I was young in Australia and in Singapore, to recent times. Now, I can scarcely remember her voice. These memories are getting hazy, slipping away, slowly but surely... I just can't reach them anymore. All I remember, is her telling me how much she loves me every time I see her, and her unwavering belief in her faith. So all I can do now to stay connected to her and her memory is to pray. Yes, me - the one who went from going to Church once weekly, to detesting and criticizing the Church, then to being "agnostic" and less angry about it, to now - praying. Praying with every fibre of my being and heart, hoping beyond hope that these thoughts will reach Popopat, wherever she may be now, so that she will never, ever be alone again.
"Can death truly separate us from our loved ones, if you love someone, aren't you already there?"
Popopat, you are so, so dearly missed.
``leandra
Music: Break My Heart - Hey Violet
Mood: Sad
1:42 AM
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