With all the complicated financial nonsense that's going on, who's to know what's really happening to our economy? And what awful, awful consequences are to come? Honestly, I am LOST. Completely lost in the subprime, AA & AAA loans, Collateralized Debt Obligations mambo jambo. But as lost as I am, I know one thing - in any investment, there are bound to be risks.
It amazes me how some Singaporeans can say, "I never thought this would happen..." (pg 26 of last week's TIME to be exact) What? Never heard of RISK before? Don't get me wrong, I'm not chiding Singaporeans for being stupid enough to believe in such crazily entwined loans (I was actually impressed that CDOs could work before) greed is to blame - but Singaporeans don't see that. They never blame themselves. It's never their shortsightedness, never their greed, never them.
We should have seen this coming. Because fools seldom differ, and everyone has been flocking to snap up CDOs and whatnot.
But shit happens. And I dont know what's about to happen to my money, my savings either... Yes, unfortunately, I am (kind of) embroiled in this drama as well. I was greedy, a normal fixed deposit wouldnt do. HAIZ. Let's see what happens next. Risks are never safe, never predictable.
I repeat, never safe, never predictable.
``larcenciel
Music: Falling - Emmy Rossum Mood: Hungry
1:03 AM
Friday, September 26, 2008
When You Can't Jam the Brakes, Drive Till You're Out of Fuel
Rushing and racing and running in circles Moving so fast I'm forgetting my purpose Blur of the traffic is sending me spinning Getting nowhere My head and my heart are colliding - chaotic Pace of the world -- I just wish I could stop it Try to appear like I've got it together I'm falling apart
Sometimes I feel that I might disappear In the blur of fast-forward I falter again Forgetting to breathe, I need to sleep I'm getting nowhere
All that I've missed I see in the reflection Passed me while I wasn't paying attention Tired of rushing, racing and running I'm falling apart
Tell me Oh won't you take my hand And lead me Slow me down Don't let Life pass me by Just show me how Cause I'm ready to fall Slow me down
Although I hated her from Phantom (she was so mean to him!!) Ive got to give it to her - Emmy Rossum can calm even a crazy, pessimistic, stressed out bugger like me. I feel (brace yourself) renewed. Awake. Hopeful. Optimistic.
And Alive.
``larcenciel
Music: Slow Me Down - Emmy Rossum Mood: Calm
1:23 AM
Tuesday, September 23, 2008
Please Visit Me In My Sleep
These days Ive been missing the girlfriend extra. Extra, extra, extra times. Like, crazy kind of extra. Alot kind of extra. Unbearable kind of extra.
Unbearable. It's unbearable. I keep trudging on and I try my hardest to motivate myself, to keep going and breathing and living and moving because 2 months will pass quick enough but I can't help but wonder, Can I really do this? And it sucks whatever small shread of optimism I still have in me away.
I'm pitiful. So pitiful because Im still stuck in my own stupid, self-created hell. Stupid pitiful me. With no guts and willpower to stand up and convince myself that everything is gonna be okay.
``larcenciel
Music: Who Knew - Pink Mood: Defeated
1:58 AM
Wednesday, September 10, 2008
The Ghostly Shadows of Her Infection As I read my archives, my old letter-books and so on, I see it all. My past and my present. My changes. My evolution.
I see it all too clearly - my sweet, accelerated descent into self-inflicted torment, hatred and hell - and I feel better knowing this because Ive started my fall.
``larcenciel
Music: I'm So Sick - Flyleaf Mood: Zombie-fied (thanks to school)
2:09 AM
Monday, September 08, 2008
Completely Incomplete
I'm falling even more in love with you I'm letting go of all I've held on to I'm standing here until you make me move I'm hanging by a moment here with you.
There's nothing else to lose, There's nothing else to find. And there is nothing in this world That can keep me alive But You--
Death.
``larcenciel
Music: Only One - Yellowcard Mood: zonked
4:37 AM
Saturday, September 06, 2008
Like Rape Happening Right Infront of Your Eyes
At the Animal Protector's Grant press conference 2 days ago, I had another internal battle with my cryptic side and idealistic side.
The teams that won the grant were invited to the Press Conf, and their projects were introduced to the media. As the emcee was describing their projects, I could not help but wonder, in both cynical amazement and hopeful awe, do they really think those projects will work?
For example, one team wanted to carry out a program to promote vegetarianism. It's a good cause, and something that everyone, I feel, should do someday. But their goal was to convert people into vegetarians and realistically we all know that people WILL NEVER just become vegetarians overnight. They have big dreams you know? They wanted to do that in a year - convert students from their JC to become vegetarians.
Another team wanted to create and design posters that educate people on illegal animal trade. Think tattoo-ed fishes, exotic snakes and turtles etc. They wanted to put these posters up in PET SHOPS and PET FARMS and the airport, yes, the very places where these trade FLOURISH and they're asking the people who benefit from this cruel trade to stop it?
It's not like Im intentionally finding fault in their project. On the contrary, I really really wish that somehow, they will manage to pull everything off. I want their projects to succeed as much as they do. Singapore desperately need these changes.
But funnily, the hardest part is not knowing that they might not succeed, but knowing that, after this project, their incredible innocence, their ideals and untainted impression of society will change completely. They'll face hurdles - some wont hurt them, some will, some might even paralyse them, but please, please, dont let it kill them.
And most importantly, don't let it kill you....the way they killed me.
``larcenciel
Music: none Mood: Sad
2:55 AM
Tuesday, September 02, 2008
Searching And Searching
These thoughts should be shelved... But everyday, no matter how much I dont want to, I wake up and wonder, Why am I still alive?
Maybe someday someone will invent a machine that can erase me, or whoever that wishes to just fade away into oblivion, in an instant. And we'll be banished to eternal limbo, trapped; crucified by our inability to appreciate, to love, to cherish, to achieve and to live.