Friday, December 30, 2011
On The Mat
The best thing about yoga is not the physical exertion or muscle activation; it's not the satisfaction of exercising and endorphin-rush post-yoga; nor is it the spiritual settling of yourself amidst the hustle and bustle of life swinging by - although I must say that comes close. It's the part when you surrender, when your mind is finally free, when you let all the pain, guilt and hurt go, and you sweat and pant and groan and cry until you don't even know if they're tears or sweat, or both combined into one singular, shattering sensation.
``larcenciel
Music: None
Mood: Silent
1:46 AM
Thursday, December 15, 2011
When You Can't Sleep At Night, My Nights Are Sleepless Too
It well may be
That we will never meet again
In this lifetime
So let me say before we part
So much of me
Is made from what I learned from you
You'll be with me
Like a handprint on my heart
And now whatever way our stories end
I know you have re-written mine
By once being my girlfriend.
Because I knew you
I have been changed for good.
I ask forgiveness...
``larcenciel
Music: For Good - Wicked OST
Mood: Sadness
2:07 AM
Wednesday, December 07, 2011
Surrender Yourself, and You'll Conquer Yourself
Yesterday at practice I set the intention of surviving the class without resting. I rested for one pose (runner's lunge, as usual - that's just too much for me) but the rest of the class went relatively well considering my aching muscles and weak body. Then when it came to the last pose after pigeon, we settled into child's pose. The pose itself was just too overwhelming for me. Knees bent Japanese style, hands thrown forward cupping down onto earth, your heart melting into your knees and face turned away from the materialistic world, as if saluting the ground and Mother Earth and begging Her to take you in despite all your excesses and imperfections...
"Surrender yourself to child's pose. In our daily lives we always don't want to surrender. We face an important client, we go to an important meeting... we are always fighting and fighting. But just this once, we can surrender and let ourselves go into this final pose before Shavasana."
And for the first time in practice, my tears just flowed. I don't even know why. The pose was simply magical. Is this what they call almost-enlightenment? Where you finally have a sense of your own physical, mental and spiritual self, where you feel some sort of alignment despite the unsettling chaos of the outside world and where you finally find yourself amidst the myriad of lost souls you mindlessly grasp by everyday?
I am so thankful for my good friend BS for introducing me to this yoga studio. It's been an amazing journey and I can't wait to discover more from practice. Thank you for everything - not just yoga - but for being there, despite me being such an awful and fail and never-ever-confide-in-you friend. Thank you :)
``larcenciel
Music: Katy Perry Medley - Kurt cover
Mood: Grateful
11:54 AM
Saturday, December 03, 2011
In The Middle of A Halo
Today, at my first practice in about 4 weeks, my instructor said, "Don't push yourself too hard. Let your body feel the practice, let your body take charge. Somedays we can go beyond our limits, other days no matter how hard we try, we can't go further. Don't force yourself, because sometimes we need to take a step back before we can take a bigger step forward."
Sometimes you need to let the good things fall apart, so that even better things can fall together.
I dedicated today's practice to myself.
``larcenciel
Music: Lighters/Super Bass mashup - Aimee Praul cover
Mood: Melancholy
1:36 AM
larcenciel
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