Odd how both have similar meanings yet dont convey similar things. Ahh, how philosophical I am becoming.
In addition to my previous posts on religion, I have finally been enlightened. I dont hate the church, no, infact, I love it so much and I am so desperate for someone to help me renew this faith and convince me that the Church is still what I first thought it was; an all-loving, pure space that connects you with intangibles, and eventually, life after death. I am merely deceiving myself that I despise it... because I just cant bear to continue seeing it in this light. It really hurts me.
``larcenciel
Music: The Middle - Jimmy Eat World Mood: Blank
12:32 AM
Wednesday, April 26, 2006
Fluorescent
Today a friend said 2things that made me want to blog it down.
1. I wanted to start a debate on religion issues with him becos he is quite an active Christian, and I wanted to hear what he had to say in defence of his Almighty Saviour.
"It is impossible for me to share my views on my faith becos to u it may be just a religion, but to me, it is my life. We are on different tangents to begin with."
2. The speaker talking abt scholarships programme tries to crack a joke but fails miserably and I take a jab at her and he says,"She's just trying to be funny. Why wont u let her?"
I probably sound like some sadistic, nasty jerk but I just wanted to blog what he said down as a reminder for me to remain less cynical. The 2nd one was especially poignant becos it pains me tt I actually said what I said. Why do I want to criticise others, even when they are trying? The ones whom I should really be bitching about are those who dont even make an effort in what they do... yes, probably people like me.
Ah, how apt.
``larcenciel
Music: Valenti - Boa Mood: tired
9:31 PM
Saturday, April 22, 2006
Swears and Such
So I unloaded to Amanda just now and she goes: Let it out, dont keep it all inside or u'll become an anger-filled person. I'm gonna take her advice now.
I hate the Church. I hate it so much it hurts me. I hate the fact that it produces rigid, cruel and stiff people who havent the slightest inkling of humanity in life. You think theyre benevolent and kind and sweet and forgiving, ure fucking mistaken. if they were even close to what they preach, the world wont be what it is right now. the priest is shagging 15yr olds, the pastor is squandering donations, the altar boy just made a girl pregnant, the man who attends mass regularly spits at homosexuals and abuses his wife.
I never used to think of religion that way, not until a bright spark came crawling into my life and destroying everything I thought was true. She made me realise that religion isnt all that great. I'm infuriated, im incensed. I'm angry that I actually fooled myself into thinking tt I could change her. Love, fuck love. No one needs love anymore. No one understands what the fuck that is, becos everyone isnt alive.
If I could change anything, I'd fucking change myself. I dont want to be this way. It sucks, I want to be one of those disillusioned hypocritcal zealots who think theyre going to "heaven" just cos they go for confessions every week and say 20 Hail Marys. Too bad I actually understand life, or at least, the fundamental principle of being a real human being; to love unbiasedly and wholly.
Religion has destroyed every good particle of me. I seem to live in hatred for the Church now. I dont want this at all, it's really cutting me. I seem to be living my life just to oppose their certain rules, and proving that some of their so-called "sins" are not even remotely close to wrongdoing. This is simply shit.
When I see friends who used to be gay turning straight now, or people who despise homosexuals just becos it's religiously wrong, I get mad. I want so badly for people, the world to see everything impartially, and to be accepting and unselfish. If even a nobody like me can do tt, I see no reason why others cant.
oh wait, I know why. AMEN.
I'm sorry to all Christians. This post is offending, and I will not try to exonerate myself. I am saying what I think is true, which also happens to be highly mean. however, if u understand the meaning behind my post, u will be able to see everything clearly through my queer eyes.
"And I dont want the world to see me, Cos I dont think that they'll understand."
``larcenciel
Music: Iris - Goo Goo Dolls Mood: Heartbroken
1:00 AM
Wednesday, April 19, 2006
Fusion
Finally, I got down to changing the layout. Unveiling... ShaneCarmen from The L Word. They have got to be the best lesbian pairing ive ever seen. I am still striving to try to watch season2; tt's when their relationship develops. And so I'm watching fan-made Sharmen vids and feeling lovey-dovey~ I really want to kiss the geniuses behind sizzling.silent-shiver.net ;)
[since we're on the topic of homosexuality] A friend introduced a blog, supposedly about 2 Singaporean gays who want to be open about their relationship, to me. I checked it out, and I must admit I do have my suspicions about them. Reading their blog actually makes me cringe instead of going, Awww... in that honeyed way. I think that, if I were fully hetereosexual, I would feel more adverse towards gays. Basically, they look like a pair of clowns in a pseudo-gay circus, and that does not, in any way, do any justice to other gays.
Of course, if it were genuine, I wish them all the best. Not because I advocate homosexuality but because I support individual autonomy and personal choice. I just wish people would stop pretending to be queer. It is degrading and insensitive, a stupid ploy to seek attention and when they do get it, speaks volumes about the maturity (or lack of it) of our society.
``larcenciel
Music: none Mood: smitten (with Shane)
10:57 PM
Sunday, April 16, 2006
Congratulations! You Have Reached Level 60!
[Cheers, sings, dances, kisses, whatever]
DING, 60!! I'm so glad =) since i rolled Shaylle in Aug05, ive been dreaming of this day. And guess what? He gave me the Dreadmist Belt! like, ZOMMGG-freak-uberexpensive-tier0gear!! The quest for my epic mount is in my quest log now, OMG dreadsteed, here I come!! =D it's gonna be tough on my gold, but im gonna work hard for it. it's also time for Molten Core runs!
recapping my Ding moment: Saturday 15th April, server time 235pm. Eastern Plaguelands, grinding Noxious Plaguebats when... *DING!* My fave WoW person was with me too, how "romantic", haha. killing bats. pretty unglam huh, now tt i think abt it... but heck. 60 is cool enough!
obviously this post is gibberish to most but i just gotta let it out and CELEBRATE!
i highly suspect that im so ecstatic now, i would do anything anyone asks me right NOW =D tt's pretty dangerous lol.
Oh, and Happy Bday to my most irritating sister. Although ure such an imbecile, u noe i love u anyway ;)
``larcenciel
Music: None Mood: Elated
5:57 AM
Friday, April 14, 2006
Breaking Both Legs
Congratulations, TJ Drama Club. No words can describe how proud I am of y'all. Months of gruelling rehearsals, tears, irritation and lethargy has finally paid off =) Special thanks to our director and production manager, u guys are brilliant *hug*
Ok, it's SYF time... another month of exhuastion before term ends... am i looking forward to it? or am i dreading the time when I will remove myself of the official responsibilites of the Club's President?
Anyhow, Mardi Gras was funky, cool and totally spectacular =D had tons of fun and im sure those who came enjoyed it loads as well. Loved all the costumes the teachers wore. Unfortunately I didnt manage to catch Mr Tan's stellar singing performance in his breeches and all but I can always count on my imagination at times like these XD
All in all, a tiring week but ended with a fantastic bang.
``larcenciel
Music: You Make Me Wanna - Elva feat Blue Mood: Relaxed
3:35 PM
Saturday, April 08, 2006
So, You Think You Are Sexy?
I swear, he is so so so so SO incredibly hot.
Just wish he was our permanent Drama trainer for workshops and stuff. He's cute, witty, drama inclined, intellectual yet not artificial and to top it off, slightly effiminate. Everything I could wish for in the perfect person (notice i didnt specify the sex, lol)
And now, let me bask in the sweet, honeyed aftermath of his beautiful presence.
sigh.
``larcenciel
Music: Cute Without the E - Taking Back Sunday Mood: dreeeaamyy
4:08 PM
Tuesday, April 04, 2006
I Write Sins not Commandments
Have you ever wondered about the life stories of other people around you? Be it your neighbour, that quiet classmate whom you have never talked to, the belle of the campus who has tons of male flies swarming around her, or the blind man busking by the pavement. I know I have. Sometimes they're happy stories, sometimes they're heart-wrenching ones. Whenever I am alone in public, my mind tends to drift into a realm of its own, inventing crazy fabrications of reality to feed my imaginative ends. I smile when I think of romantic stories to a couple, I cry inside when I entertain the bleak life of a crippled man, and the tears seem to come more than the smiles.
And so, I often find myself wrestling with the cold truth of life; that life is death. Why is it that the world we live in is, more often than not, so selfish? Why is it that we are driven by materialism, by capitalism, by drugs and by hatred? In class today, a friend was lamenting that she was only given community service hours for working (some tax filing part-time job) What's disheartening was that the teacher (and almost the rest of the class) agreed with her (ok, granted, she was an economics teacher) but dont they know? There is so much more to life than money, than materials. Even if you are not paid, isnt there some sort of satisfaction in helping others? In providing useful services to the society? I objected, of course, but was dismissed almost immediately.
I hate the world we have created, but even more I hate myself for being part of it. I want to divorce myself from this kind of reality, but I simply cant, because I know there is no other alternative to this lassez faire dimension.
But perhaps there is still hope. Hope that death does not end everything, that there is life after death, sanctuary after suffering. Genuinity after the farce. Peace and purity. No, no, I am not contemplating suicide. I am searching for a hope, a hope that can cleanse this awful stain that little seem to have noticed.
Where is the nameless monster, the one who will be our saviour?
Johan, where are you?
It seems I've stepped over lines You've drawn again and again But if the ecstasy's in the wit is definitely out Dr. Jekyll is wrestling Hyde for my pride ``larcenciel
Music: How To Be Dead - Snow Patrol Mood: solemn
3:11 PM
Sunday, April 02, 2006
The Bulwark
It's strange how people can suddenly feel so detached from those they once felt close to, and not want to be a part of the memories that we all used to cherish when given the chance now. It seems as if they've built walls behind them everytime they walk forward in life. The hardest thing is trying to thaw that ice but only to be faced with awkward silences and reluctant eyes. It's not their fault, of course, eveyone is entitled to what they want. Maybe this is better. At least we know who are the ones who have truly cherished our past and our friendship.
It's time to save money again, for the last 2 boxes of Monster. I swear, it is the BEST anime ever. it's time to change my fandom status in my profile.
On a side note, have I mentioned how much Chunx means to Shaylle? well, tons and tons and gargantuan doesnt even come close ;)
``larcenciel
Music: Check On It - Beyonce feat Slim Thug Mood: Plain