Tuesday, June 28, 2011
But My Love Makes Me Crawl Into Hiding
Coming out; tolerance; acceptance; understanding...
The closer the person is to you, the more you'd want all of the above from him or her and when withheld, stings more, doesn't it?
``larcenciel
Music: Last Friday Night (TGIF) - Katy Perry
Mood: Disappointed
6:50 PM
Sunday, June 26, 2011
Or You Could Make Everything All Right
A few months ago, I blogged about the reasons why I SHOULD NOT and WILL NOT get an iPhone.
But look at me now... I'm a total iPhone slut at the moment. Downloading all the Top Free apps and posting stuff "via my iPhone." It's been barely a week and I'm absolutely loving everything about it. The connectivity and convenience and prettiness is just mind-blowing. Plus, I already lost Larry (first iPhone) once, it makes me treasure Larry King (replaced iPhone) even more.
Sometimes, you need to lose something before you can truly appreciate its beauty and love it unconditionally. That is necessarily true... Also, clearly, rationalizing every decision rarely works out as planned - as with my iPhone decision - as with everything else.
``larcenciel
Music: First Dance - Never Shout Never
Mood: Strange
1:07 PM
Thursday, June 23, 2011
Write It On The Sky, Love
So there's this nagging, heavy feeling in me. I will attempt to pen it down in hope of easing it away.
Long distance is a hard thing... but with constant effort and commitment and love, it is entirely possible and it is truly rewarding and a beautiful thing. But there is only so much technology can help us; there is only so much our efforts can take us; long distance takes its toll and soon, fatigue sets in. I'm afraid I'm beginning to feel it. Well, at least, just recently. After all, I haven't seen her in 4 months, and I won't see her for another 5 months. It's just way too long for me to bear and I miss her so much.
Cue loneliness.
Loneliness by itself is not really such a bad thing. A little loneliness can be good to give one time to align one's priorities in life. We all need "me" time once in a while anyways. Loneliness, however, when coupled with a nice, attention-giving and charming individual - ah - that's when it becomes slightly more dangerous.
Granted, I'm not 16, I know better than to plunge into such drama. I'm getting old and drama is too teenager. I remember a quote roughly from a long time ago; it's about planting a tree and knowing where the apples will fall. I know where I want my apples to fall... My whole body and soul knows it. Unfortunately, the heart - being so strong sometimes - becomes vulnerable other times, and forgets for a moment about trees and apples.
It is just temporary dementia, of course. But if this fatigue keeps up, eventually it'll break.... it'll break my heart.
On the other hand, it might just be the hormones acting up now making me all emo and angsty. It's THAT time of the month after all. (plus a whole slew of unfortunate incidents that stumbled my way the past week)
Arrggh.
``larcenciel
Music: Impossible - Maddi Jane cover
Mood: Irritated
3:16 AM
Monday, June 20, 2011
You're Pretty Without Any Make-Up On
If you were around the area last Saturday, you definitely wouldn't have missed a massive sea of baby, hot, pastel pink, gathered together at our little red dot's one and only park that allows mass cause-related gatherings.
That's right, Pink Dot 2011 happened and apparently 10,000 people turned up! More than twice the attendees last year. Pink Dot has come quite a way from 2009 - there wasn't even a stage! This year, concert segment was kindly sponsored by web giant, Google. They provided the awesome stage and the awesome singers; and most importantly they paved the way for more recognition and support - whether financially or physically - for the freedom to love in our sunny lil' island.
But if only this was as simple as whether one supports the freedom to love; if only this was as simple as gathering together and wearing pink; if only this was as simple as smiling at the other person in pink next to you knowingly - if only being gay was as simple as being straight.
Standing amongst the crowd at Pink Dot when the dot was forming, I might not have been standing right in the middle, I might not have been the gayest, pinkest person there, but just being part of them - part of this community that has been cast aside and marginalized in the most unfair and cruelest of ways - it makes me happy. It makes me happy that I am not alone, and it makes me even happier knowing that like the pink dot that was formed on Saturday - acceptance and understanding will grow - from 2,500 in 2009 and 10,000 in 2011; there is no stopping us when it comes to love.
After all, love transcends all boundaries. All, everything... eventually.
``larcenciel
Music: Teenage Dream - Glee cast cover
Mood: Satisfied
4:45 PM
Tuesday, June 14, 2011
Oh, She's My Future Partner. Not Current, Future.
"As a society, we treat single people over 30 with condescension or pity, but maybe the problem was that I had hurtled into a serious relationship too young. I know that in my 20s I had wanted to impress my family and my heterosexual friends with my stability."
I am 23 years old. I have been in a long distance relationship with my partner for the past 4.5 years. Maybe longer? Well, it has been quite a while.
"Maybe I should have waited."
So, that's what we're gonna do. We're gonna wait it out... Wait till society, family come to terms with it. Wait till my mind clears a bit in this blur of "social norms" and "future holds" saga. Yup, wait things out. After all, don't good things come to those who wait?
``larcenciel
Music: What Hurts the Most - Rascal Flatts
Mood: Serious
7:16 PM
Tuesday, June 07, 2011
This Way Down
A few days ago a friend told me stories about women - he personally knew - trapped in abusive and destructive relationships. One was married to a man who demanded she bathe and feed him everyday. He restricted her life; forced her to do things with him she otherwise might not have any interest in; looked down on her and bullied her incessantly. But she held on stubbornly until one day, the man initiated a divorce. The other was living with her boyfriend who sponged off her (she doesn't earn much btw); had numerous ongoing affairs and I can't remember other details because I was still reeling from shock from the first story.
To me, it's simple. LEAVE! If a man - or your partner, for that matter - uses and violates you in such vile ways and treats you like dirt when he had earlier promised to love and cherish you till death do both apart, then clearly the relationship has relegated to something despondent... and continuing to cling onto whatever shreds left hanging believing it is love is just... wrong, isn't it? But these women hold steadfast to their ridiculously romantic, idealistic idea of being able to change their man, of being able to soften his heart and make him fall right back in sweet honey love with them again.
My heart goes out to these ladies. They are pitiful. These ladies - abused and stuck in limbo, crucified by the very person they thought was going to save them. Maybe they've got no where else to go, maybe they don't think anyone else is going to accept them, maybe they're just not comfortable picking their things up and starting anew - and why would they? Society rarely forgives women... especially not in a male-dominated, somewhat chauvinistic Chinese society like ours.
They need help. Whatever help they can get - be it advice, financial aid, empowerment, esteem-building, education... They need all the help they can get.
But... as what transcended in Suckerpunch, "Everyone is looking for something. Some of them want to use you, some of them want to be used by you. Some of them want to abuse you, some of them want to be abused..." I guess, this is why a stereotypical Male and Female will always be the most "natural" combination. Both can use and be used by the other, both can abuse and be abused by the other in their own self-created hell, grasping and strangling each other to fall deeper in their own decaying world so that finally, they can both perish together and truly, death will do them apart.
I am quite glad I am born the way I am. For once, God, thank you for making me so different.
``larcenciel
Music: Raise Your Glass - P!nk
Mood: Disturbed
1:14 PM
Monday, June 06, 2011
Why So Serious?
If you're too school for cool,
And you're treated like a fool
You can choose to let it go
We can always party on our own.
So raise your - aww fuck my glass is empty -
So raise your glass if you are wrong
In all the right ways.
All my underdogs,
We will never be never be anything but loud
And nitty gritty dirty little freaks.
``larcenciel
Music: Raise Your Glass - P!nk
Mood: Dancey
6:47 PM
Friday, June 03, 2011
How Do We Sleep While Our Beds Are Burning?
One month on after GE, we've got a barrage of events; people crying for George Yeo, people fawning over election extraordinaire YAM who incidentally was also the man who implemented ERP and other Ps; town council take-over problems; people getting sacked due to their political allegiance; an incestuous Cabinet rotation with some "stepping down"; a newly named Emeritus Minister position; some HDB dark water scare; TPL's Cooling Off day breach that is currently "under investigation" (and will probably be for the next 5 years or until people forget); the new Transport Minister decides to (finally) take a public bus and has pledged to commute once a - what was it? Month? - on public transport; the newly elected PAP MP in PP sacks previous town council members; the Cabinet has decided we should embark on a nuclear mission and.... well, life goes on doesn't it? People move on. People always move on. It's just our hearts that don't move as well.
I've been helping out with the Pride of Singapore GRC MPS and got the chance to see Mr Low up close and in action. He is truly a hero to the residents there. There is only hope and shining optimism in their eyes. They really respect and admire him. This must be what serving the People should be all about. It's about being in touch with your People, it's about communicating with them and meeting them personally, it's about the special relationship that you must take time and effort to build up, and not just about sitting on some high-horse, screening people through hundreds and hundreds of counters and getting them to fill hundreds of forms before they can even meet you, and then just throwing a few carrots only to steal them right back after your agenda is done.
Although, this reminds me... "Some people want to use you, some of them want to get used by you. Some people want to abuse you, some of them want to be abused."
Maybe Singaporeans are more of the latter type of people?
The time has come
To say fair's fair
To pay the rent
To pay our share
How can we dance when our Earth is turning?
How do we sleep while our beds are burning?
Shrugs.
``larcenciel
Music: Beds Are Burning (Midnight Oil cover) - Bradas
Mood: Nonchalant
2:52 AM