I Keep Looking Back for a Miracle Picked up a crazy intense manga recently - Killing, Stalking. About two men who are just filled with hate and despair. The only difference is how it manifests in them - one is a murderer and the other longs to be murdered. By some messed up twist of fate, they live together. Or should I say, murderer dude kidnaps and lords over murderee. If that's not messed up enough, murderer starts to project his younger (and we later learn, abused by father, tormented by mother) self onto his prisoner. Murderer starts acting as both his father and mother, torturing his victim, and then caring for him thereafter. There are no overt rape scenes yet, but some sexual skirmishes, which may allude to the highly possible suspicion that his mother used to sexually abuse him too. How about the prisoner, you ask? He's basically been bullied and sullied all his whole life, but he doesn't do anything about it. He feels sorry for himself, but not sorry enough to get his shit together to fight for his life. Nope. He submits. He gives up the idea of escaping, fearing how murderee would torture him if he was caught. He blames everything and everyone but himself for not having the courage to flee, even though there were so many opportunities to. He wanted to follow his heart - but that's impossible of course. How could someone so spineless and useless have a heart? I hate reading this manga. There is no hero in this story. It's just two very fucked up characters in a fucked up world, doing fucked up things and fucking with each other. But I can't tear away from it. There are no heroes... No... But that's what makes it so terrifyingly real. In some way, we have all been part of or have been through toxic relationships like this - maybe not to the extent of physical torture, but the emotional and psychological trauma don't make it any less frightening. And that spineless, useless prisoner? I feel... for him. There were so many open doors in my life, but all I fell back on were excuses, and the pathetic feeling of sorry for myself. There was never a prison, only my shit self. Maybe that's why I hate this manga so much. Mood: Depressed Music: I Won't Let You Walk Away - Mako