Tuesday, April 17, 2012
Five More Days And You'll Be Home... Maybe
The writing project is in its final draft stage. I must say that even though my work might not be as polished or perfect as the others, there are some precious moments in each piece of writing that I have produced, and I am happy with it. I couldn't deal with some themes close to my heart or so-called interesting artsy themes - but the one thing in common - love, and lost love resonated throughout. I can't wait for it to go to print.
By the way, I start work next Monday. Excited, psyched and eager? Check. Just wish I could share all this with you too...
* * *
You say good morning when it's midnight
Going out of my head
Alone in this bed
I wake up to your sunset
And it's driving me mad
I miss you so bad
And my heart heart heart is so jetlagged,
My heart heart heart is so jetlagged.
I miss you so bad
I miss you so bad
I miss you so bad
I miss you so bad
I miss you so bad
I wanna see the same sun rising.
Heart heart heart is so jetlagged.
``larcenciel
Music: Jet lag - Simple Plan
Mood: Missing
1:11 AM
Wednesday, April 11, 2012
Self-Deprecation Is Also Self-Injury
Can you imagine, even for a moment, how the world looks through my eyes? Can you even begin to understand tumultuous roller-coaster of emotions and doldrums I put up with; the constant, hardened scuffle within that wavers between breakdown and breakup; the kind of on/off battle that spurs me on as much as it fractures my self-worth. In short, I am a screwed up lunatic. And I deserve every single bitterness embedded in that label. She is right. My needs will never be met. I will never be met. And surely someone like me... should never, ever deserve happiness, love and every other sweet thing in the universe because... well, because. It just is.
I'm so sorry... :,(
``larcenciel
Music: Misery Business - Paramore
Mood: Shameful
12:38 AM
Saturday, April 07, 2012
You Did It, Stupid
Never long for anyone from your past. There is a reason why they never made it to your present.
Yeah - mainly because of my own stupidity, rashness, short-sightedness and the delusional belief that everything will be better with someone so different.
There are so many things that remind me of you and I long for them so much. But some things can never be touched again. And I should know better.
``larcenciel
Music: The Con - Tegan and Sara
Mood: Hurt
1:48 PM
Friday, April 06, 2012
Today's Dream Could Have Been Yesterday
I dreamt of you today. I dreamt you were sitting in my parents room, wrapped with your favourite wool scarf and a blue beret cap covering half of your face. I walked past you, twice, and I didn't even realize you were there. But when I did, time stopped for those few minutes, and I remember sinking to my knees in front of you. I pushed your cap away - it looked ridiculous and yet somewhat sexy - you smiled at me. I cupped your face with my hands and smiled back at you. I asked you what you were doing here, but I already know why. You stand up, pick up your bag and tell me we should go now. I nod. You take my hand in yours and I follow you out of the house, and I am almost halfway out of the garden when I remembered, he's here.
``larcenciel
Music: Body Work - Tegan & Sara feat Morgan Page
Mood: Regretful
12:18 PM
Wednesday, April 04, 2012
Dust or Dusk
I cancelled the flight. It stores as an e-voucher that can be redeemed within the next 12 months. It is only valid for me, for the same airlines and for the same route. Perhaps I will have a reason to fly to Melbourne in the months to come. Perhaps I will want to. But not for now.
In the meantime, I need to save my dying writing. Out of steam but the deadlines keep on coming :(
``larcenciel
Music: None
Mood: Uninspired
2:12 PM