Pink.sg has the best blog entries ever. Although they're not written in Queen English, neither do they have perfect coherence but it is precisely the clash of thought processes and the untidiness of each entry that give each pinker such character. They are all so raw, you know? And they reveal such vulnerability and pain....and such amazing passion as well.
Today's entry was heartbreaking. It's not the first that's made me feel this way. But maybe it's time for me to say explicitly that I dont intend to leave my closet openly. No one needs to know about anything. Not family, not colleagues, not friends. If they happen to know, too bad.
I'll work hard to be able to live well-off on my own, then I'll go away. Because I dont want the people I love to have to grapple with facing me, their living failure, every day.
``larcenciel
Music: Because Im A Girl - KISS Mood: solemn
1:31 AM
Monday, November 19, 2007
AW for A&W
Remember the good ole' yummy days of coney dogs and root beer float and curly fries and waffles? The big cuddly bear that's always been sucha hit with kids (unlike macs clown, omg freakyy...)
I just had a craving for A&W! Doesnt the sound of curly fries and root beer float absolutely make your mouth water? RAWR! I WANT A&W BACK!!! Stop petitioning for krispy kremes or other crap like that, A&W is what really deserves to be back.
``larcenciel
Music: Back To Where We Belong - The Last Goodnight Mood: sorry
6:49 PM
Sunday, November 18, 2007
Sesame Street
These days Ive been busy....but with what I dont know either! =X Im definitely not mugging, like how I intended to (good intentions always dont work) and Im not like, busy exercising or socialising or gaming or facebooking excessively. I really have no idea what Ive been doing! I have to take charge of my time now, exams are in a week! ARGH. and I havent started mugging proper... -hears beckoning from hell.
Anyway, I was just thinking, my project mates so far have been awesome =) For big projects like BGS, CT and AS. And Ive got great classmates from Stats and MFE. I must really thank my lucky stars for being able to know such great peeps. Their company makes all the difference. I think that's why I love college.
I finally got the complete version of virtual dj...trying to mix some mambo decently but i think it sucks. lol. shit, so much for spinning at ashley's 21st.
And to gf: (about) ONE MORE MONTH! HURRAY! You have no idea how excited I am =)) Take care love, and I'll see you soon!
``larcenciel
Music: Mambo Jambo 1 - (i think it's from) zouk Mood: hungry
2:47 AM
Tuesday, November 13, 2007
Group Slack Room
So for the past 2hours Ive been alone in a gsr trying to study because my supposed MFE study mates have gone gallavanting to goodness knows where. I ended up reading some random stats notes and playing neopets. Ugh, how loser can I get.
Yeah, at first we were so serious about studying, we actually separated all the tables so we could each have one to ourselves for SERIOUS STUDYING. And Victor was supposed to face the window and mug by himself from 1-8pm. So much for 'studying'... What to do? We're a bunch of smulackers.
Okay I gotta go for CT project meeting in a while... Have a sudden craving for korean instant noodles, so off to the disgusting kopitiam I go XD
``larcenciel
Music: Love What You Feel - DJ Dreamz Mood: zonked
6:08 PM
Saturday, November 10, 2007
Keep Your Prejudices Out of Our Bedrooms
I must be really incensed and affected by Thio Li-Ann's horribly skewed anti-gay speech to be blogging about it at 356am on a sat morning. Ive heard stuff about it, Ive read stuff about it. I finally watched it. For all my sweet homies out there, watching it will make your blood boil, your heart ache and your mind going, Is she crazy? For the conservative lot, well, I guess y'all will love her.
Firstly, she says using consent is just an excuse to decriminalise gays. Why is it considered an excuse? Consent here is not a one dimensional argument. We are talking about consent, without harming another (since for some reason she enjoys drawing similarities to paedophiles and beastial sex etc) The whole consent blah argument I neednt say. It should be rather common.
Secondly, there is no logical link between decriminalising gays and celebrating and promoting the 'homosexual lifestyle' (whatever that means) and no link with any so-called political agenda that we homosexuals supposedly have. Yeah, like I soooo wanna take over shitty singapore.
And I am so glad she brought up that law about if you 'wound religious or racial feelings then you're a criminal' bit. So, we have criminalised hate crimes/acts towards people of different religions and races yet we have a law that specifically discriminates against people of different sexual orientation, which surprise surprise, isnt a choice unlike religions that one can actually CHOOSE. Do you have any idea what kind of slandering goes on on mainstream tv? 2 recent Channel 8 dramas portrayed gays as criminals, people who are depraved and perverted and mainly gigolos. Im sure many are rejoicing at that but just imagine, if we changed the 'gay' part to say, being '(insert different race)' the bloody channel would be sued wouldnt it?
Im not saying channel 8 should promote homosexuality. Im saying it should not degrade it nor air shows that encourage homophobia. Similarly, contrary to popular belief, GLBT community here isnt looking for the celebration or glamourization of us, we are fighting for a society that does not specifically discriminate against us.
Fourthly, I dont understand how being gay will make women 'objects' or 'child-bearing mediums' (or whatever fanciful law term u used) For one, if being gay wasnt so looked down upon gays would not even pretend to be with women in the first place! And there was talk about how many hearts will be broken if we decriminalise being gay... Well, do you know how many MORE hearts HAVE BEEN and WILL BE broken because of closeted gays, because of the lies we have to tell, because of our own fear of coming out and being who we really are? Dont, for a minute, even think you know because unless you were placed in a situation that made you lose what you so strongly believed in, that made you lie and hurt and break people you cared for, that made you betray yourself, that made you hide behind stupid, fabricated stories, that made you crush dreams and crush yourself in the process, then you can say yes, I know how it's like being gay in today's society.
I am a daughter, a friend, a student, a 19 year old, a child... I am all these things. Does my sexual preference intefere with all that? Am I not a friend anymore? Am I not a daughter anymore? Am I, suddenly, not me anymore?
In Thio's speech she has called the GLBT community perverts, depraved, repugnant, gross, disgusting, unworthy and many more. If I said that, publicly, about the religious community because they are being so distastefully hypocritical and rigid I doubt I'd still be around now.
But you know what? You can go around promoting your anti-gay agenda all you like. Just dont pretend you know what we're like. Because never in your life have you ever understood what being queer means.
And because of such anti-gay sentiments, I will say that I am a lesbian, before I am a Singaporean.
``larcenciel
Music: With Every Heartbeat - Repeal s377A themesong Mood: indignant
3:55 AM
Thursday, November 08, 2007
Confessions of a Fangirl
I dont know if I'm about to play to the gay stereotype (that we're a perverted, gross and depraved sorry lot) but I really really really cant deny my attraction to....
GACKT. and other random Jrockers like Miyavi. I know there's alot of photoshop and airbrushing and makeup involved but Ive seen the mvs and the concert clips GACKT absolutely rocks. His charisma and showmanship is just totally impressive. Last night my inner fangirl was exploding and orgasm-ing away (not literally btw)
yarrr!! I lub jrockers. Sooooo sexy. I like =DDD hehehehe.
``larcenciel
Music: none Mood: elated
7:49 PM
Tuesday, November 06, 2007
And It Hurts With Every Heartbeat
Stories in un-mute resonate with me, just like in SQ21. They strike a very painful and sore chord within me.
"As for friends, I am out only to a select group of people I know very well. As for normal aquaintances, I often treat it as a 'need to know' basis. There are some friends out there who cannot accept the concept of being GLB. As a result, I have to resort to lying lots of times. I guess that's how being a GLB is - you have to lie alot. Tell your friends and family about your supposed normal friend or 'boyfriend' or something along those lines." -un-mute; Li Huay
I dont like to say this but, i wonder if they know how it is like to live like that? All in their sweet, perfect, sheltered lives they never had to struggle with coming to terms with themselves, loved ones and the people around. And eventually being convinced that they are disgusting, gross and depraved perverts.
I had 15min to waste, so I read keep377a.com, which in my opinion, is an utter waste of perfectly good web space. Every little step we take out of the closet we are immediately assumed to be promoting and mainstream-ing the gay agenda. Im becoming heterophobic thanks to these imbeciles.
Baby we can make it alright we can make it better some time we can make it happen baby we could keep trying but things will never change so i dont look back still im dying with every step i take
``larcenciel
Music: You Look At Me - Celine Dion Mood: peeved
1:27 AM
Saturday, November 03, 2007
Overload
I dont know what's wrong with me really..why do I feel so worried and so anxious for him? Why should I be worried anyway?Not like it's gonna affect me very much right? But...I feel like he somehow needs my help...needs my 'protection' and concern, in some way. It's not like he doesnt have friends, I know I know...but it's not like he has many great pals. Sometimes he gets pangseh-ed and I feel so bad for him =( He should be old enough but somehow I just feel worried. I hope everything goes well tonight. It'd be a real bummer if only 3 or 4 came. sigh. and I know how yucky it must be =((
I should have more confidence in him right? But but but.... I cant help it!! Im sucha lame worrywart.
Anyway, this week has been busy busy busy! Presentations and stuff...but it's over so hurray! yday I met up with Ashlie after school and she brought me to Holland V after that we went to her hostel and I bunked in with her sis and her. Left around noon and bought a coupla snacks etc for the family. okay, Im off. There's a party downstairs =) Happy 21st Bday korkor!!
``larcenciel
Music: Poison Kiss - The Last Goodnight Mood: mixed