And it's been 6months, and I still havent visited Dad. But I always drive to the carpark outside Wal-mart in the early mornings and I would walk around the big field behind Wal-mart and keep on searching for his spaceship, because you can never see it until you're right next to it.
Happy Chinese New Year everyone!! =)) Get all those hongbaos and feel RICH! splurge it on smthg uve been dying to get for months and save the rest! enjoy the holidays and enjoy the food! but DON'T fall ill like me though. totally stinks up the festive mood =X
WoW's also celebrating the lunar new yr btw.. haha. my characters can shoot firecrackers, cute.
``larcenciel
Music: nothing Mood: normal
9:12 PM
Friday, January 20, 2006
"Jealous Husband Returns in Form of Parrot"
But now she appears from the hallway and I look at her and she is still slim and she is beautiful, I think - at least I clearly remember that as her husband I found her beautiful in this state. Now, though, she seems to naked. Plucked. I find that a sad thing. I am sorry for her and she walks by me. I want to pluck some of my own feathers, the feathers from my chest, and give them to her. I love her more in that moment, seeing her terrible nakedness, than I ever have before.
When she comes back I am moved to speak. "Hello." I say, meaning, You are still connected to me, I still want only you. "Hello." I say again. Please listen to this tiny heart that beats fast all the time for you.
And she does indeed stop and she comes to me and bends to me. "Pretty bird," I say and I am saying, You are beautiful, my wife, and your beauty cries out for protection. "Pretty." I want to cover you with my own nakedness. "Bad bird," I say. If there are others in your life, even in your mind, there is nothing I can do. "Bad." You have been touched from inside by the others. "Open," I say. How can we be whole together if you are not empty in the place I am to fill?
She smiles at this and opens the door to my cage. "Up," I say, meaning, Is there no place for me in this world where I can be free of this terrible sense of others?
She reaches in now and offers her hand and I climb onto it and I tremble and she says, "Poor baby."
"Poor baby," I say. You have yearned for wholeness too and somehow I failed you. I was not enough. "Bad bird." I'm sorry.
And then the other man comes around, in his naked, pitiful sight. "Peanut," I say. How pitiful he looks in his featherless body, unlike we, parrots. I presume my wife simply has not noticed. But that's foolish, of course. This man was, in fact, what she wants. Not me. She scrapes me off her hand and they stagger back into the bedroom in a noisy embrace.
For a moment I still think I've been eloquent. "Hello," I say. "Hello. Pretty bird. Pretty. Bad bird. Bad. Open. Up. Poor baby. Bad bird." And I am beginning to hear myself as I really sound to her. "Peanut." I can never say what is in my heart. Never.
I stand on my cage door and my wings stir. The sky is the colour of the brow of a blue-front Amazon. And I spread my wings.
Source: Tabloid Dreams by Robert Olen Butler, pg79-81 The above is only an extract of the short story "Jealous Husband Returns in Form of Parrot". This was my fave part and I couldnt stop crying while reading it. Do read this book, Tabloid Dreams. It is a compilation of many stories that may sound awkward and strange, but in fact, so profound and delightfully moving.
``larcenciel
Music: nothing Mood: glad
2:27 PM
Thursday, January 12, 2006
Pretend...
...is the new game i enjoy playing to pass 2hours of Physics tutorials. This is usually played in pairs. basically, 1 will act like someone for a whole day and the other has to guess who it is. it is not only a fun way of honing one's acting skills, but a brilliant and creative manner of poking fun at others.
1st drama mtg with yr1s on yday turned out better than I had expected =) and im really, really happy. this yr's batch looks promising.
okay! weekend's coming! tt's awesome news.
``larcenciel
Music: anything but ordinary - unknown artiste Mood: relaxed
5:30 PM
Tuesday, January 10, 2006
Spirals
new anime fandom alert! Full Metal Alchemist! =)) yeah, im abit late.. nevertheless, im catching on! watch it on channelU, ard 4pm or smthg... anyway it's a gd anime. now i noe why so many ppl are so crazy over it.
first mtg with yr1s on wed... hopefully, most of them will stay on. sigh. really, really need membership this yr! need membership...
my mind is pretty blank now... cos im so hungry. yeah, at 1230am in the morning.
blah blahh.
``larcenciel
Music: Broken - Seether feat Amy Lee Mood: blank-ish
12:10 AM
Tuesday, January 03, 2006
Beyond
have you ever experienced an overwhelming feeling of ease and peace with someone who u dont even know, not about his (for convenience im just using his) past, his present, his name, his face, nothing at all, yet everything seems just right?
it is a mysteriously familiar feeling, and it is beyond words, or any expression for tt matter. unknowningly, i may have just met the best friend i could ever have =)
and im really glad.
btw, i attained my Felsteed on 30th Dec. Fantabulously brilliant =) love horses. I miss gaming already, but i know tt one day passed is one day closer to WoW again, and im going to do my best this year, energise it, make the most out of everything to make the bleak year seem clearer =))