Imagine, I could be in a place full of people like me. I could be in the company of others who believe in what i believe, who love what i love. For once, I wouldnt be flying solo, I wouldnt be the odd one. For once, I wouldnt have to lie or hide. I could be honest...and others would see an honest me. And for once, I wouldnt have to keep guessing if a friend would be frightened by my difference or accept it.
I dreamt about that last night. The feeling of being open was amazing. Too surreal. Being part of the majority has it's perks. But for now, I guess I'd have to stick with hiding.
Spider Lilies opened in Taiwan today! That's fantastic, now I just gotta wait for beloved youtube to upload it. Because Singapore probably doesnt have the maturity to accept and appreciate it yet.
There are times when I feel so terrible inside that she cant be here with me right now.. and I admit, I can be quite the Bitch by picking fights and yes, I know I shouldnt be doing all that because it's tough on her too. Infact, she's got it way worse because she's in a foreign place alone, having to really study her butt off because it's Medicine we're talking about, not Social Science or Commerce. I just wish I would never have to feel lonely or sad during this period of time. It doesnt seem possible, but it's worth a try right? I would do anything to make things better for you and I, love.
Because I know all I have to do is imagine - imagine us before, imagine us after, 6years down the road. And someday this imagination will become a reality.
I cant wait for this week to be over. Then I can flyy to see her =D yay!
Oh, when the Sch of Economics profs asked me who changed the way I looked at the world, ELLEN DEGENERES immediately popped into my head. She is my role model. Everything I wanna be. Well, and Katherine Moennig too I guess =P
I've finally decided to come to terms with myself and confess...my secret (or not so anymore) crushes - middle-aged bus drivers who spike their short black crop and wear cool sunglasses. It's weird but for some reason I feel all school-girly and shy whenever I see the very hip bus uncle. And then I'd watch the way he drives (provided the bus is not so crammed with smelly secondary school younglings that is)
Like the 38 driver today, he looked so suave and cool swerving the enormous vehicle around ridiculously narrow bends, avoiding crazy drivers who get a kick outta cutting infront of the bus randomly, or even waiting for a kinda) crippled ah pek to cross the road even though it was Red Man. It would still be okay if that ah pek was crossing whilst the Green Man was still flashing and the Red Man just suddenly changed (the creators of traffic lights are cruel, I understand) but this ah pek was highly confident of his walking skills despite having difficulties and he still very calmly crossed the road even though 38 was rumbling towards him.
That's not it. Ah pek decided that the proper sidewalk was too unchallenging for him, so he walked on the road, side by side with the pavement.
If I were the cool and suave bus driver I would have bellowed at him. Yes, how typical youth Singaporean, being so impatient and not tolerating the elderly. I know I shouldnt be doing that now, lest I receive that kinda treatment when im much older. But Ive already made up my mind to die before I get too old. So, whatever. I'm too much of a coward to face Life properly anyway.
Anyway today was great. I napped in the afternoon cos I took off today for SPCA. Went down to Punggol Sec in the morning to help mend SPCA's sales booth. Unlike my usual stint at JCs, sudents dont run away anymore when they see us. They come to you. By the dozens! We managed to raise about 400bucks within 2 hours. -appluase.
Im grateful to these sec school kids.... and the teachers =) puts a big smile on my face when I see them coming up to me and asking more about SPCA, and telling me how much they adore animals =) Yes, that's the spirit. That's the sort of people I wanna meet. Such a far cry from the usual attitudes of people I normally meet.
Okay, enough nonsense for today. There's 12/05 gathering tmr at yiqun's house =) My maid is gonna prepare her highly acclaimed, award-winning (amongst my friends, at least) pizza bread for my hungry friends. And on Monday, it's interview with SMU for the Economics course. I'm bloody nervous. Freaking nervous. Fucking nervous.
Something like that.
``larcenciel
Music: Far Away From Home - Groove Coverage Mood: odd
9:15 PM
Sunday, March 18, 2007
On The Road to Sickness
Im aching everywhere. The bodyache kind. My fingers and toes are freezing. I'm tired. My throat feels dry and when i swallow it hurts. I foresee myself falling ill.
Oh crap.
The only redeeming point is that Ive caught a 30seconds trailer for Spider Lilies, a taiwan-based lesbian movie.
And of course, gf.
Initially I planned to talk about my pri school gathering. We had a karaoke session which ended up more like a screaming/shrieking/shouting session. Of course, it's always fun to indulge in a little nonsense every now and then.
Okay, I should sleep now.
``larcenciel
Music: Falling - Candice Alley Mood: ill
2:21 AM
Wednesday, March 14, 2007
Let's Get Boring
I need to get to work in abit. I'm writing at the request of junlong, who thinks this annoying navigation blog is getting too mouldy for it's own good...and who also demanded a mention - secondary school kid's blog style.
Anyway, I had off day on monday. Used it to finish up pending university applications. Then met up with junlong. We caught Pursuit of Happyness. Actually I found the fromt part kinda boring... It was so sad and tragic I felt like crying...not out of sadness, out of boredom. But then, that's not to say that the movie was bad. It was inspirational. Watching Will Smith struggle to talk to clients over the phone (Hi I'm calling from XXX company would u be interested in...) and the numerous rejections he faced...reminded us of work. So in truth, my job isnt THAT disasterous after all. I think I'm considered lucky...because I'm selling newsmagazines. And there are many act-smart Singaporeans around (yes, perhaps I was like that before) so it's good. Not that I'm complaining, of course.
Okay, enough about work. I sound like a workaholic. Blahblahblah. I should get going. My lunch is waiting for me.
To girlfriend: TAKE CARE! I'm so glad I called you this morning... Get well soon and stop eating so unhealthily! Is porridge very expensive there? Anyway stop falling ill so much =(( I can only be there next month.
``larcenciel
Music: none Mood: hungry
12:17 PM
Saturday, March 10, 2007
Over My Shoulder
Following the wise words of Emily in Devil Wears Prada, I've been taking every possible opportunity to chant to myself as covincingly as possible, I love my job I love my job I love my job.
I must admit, I feel quite stressed. I'm afraid my sales wont measure up to what the boss expects or worse, I'm afraid the school I'm doing counter for wont rake in as many sales as it should! Doesnt really help that they keep telling me, after I tell them about the very dismal situation in tj, Do your best Leandra, it will be fine. Because it's you, Leandra! I trust you...
Ho ho. Trust me?? To screw up?
Anyway this week I've been MIA because Ive been spending my time trying to psycho students into buying TIME (Oh buy TIME and it will solve your GP woes!) The gullible, kiasu ones believed me whilst the more 'cool' ones ignored me or hung up on me. Next week my task is to convert these 'cool' people into kiasu, gullible consumers. I LOVE MY JOB I LOVE MY JOB I LOVE MY JOB.
But the company at tj has been fantastic =) that, plus lotsa long distance lovin' from the beloved girlfriend, made this week so much more bearable.
Okay, I'm gonna hit the hay. I need to wake up early again tmr for NUS open house...and I desperately need some decent sleep.
``larcenciel
Music: Space - Something Corporate Mood: lethargic
9:39 PM
Saturday, March 03, 2007
Whose Grade Is This Anyway?
Alright pumpkin pies, I got ABCB3 for my Alevels. That comes up to 56.5 points...which should be average. I know ABC is like BBB but I reckon the A there makes up for the C. Of course simple-minded people (like the mother) will say things like Oh dear now how? like I just failed A's but all in all I'm okay with my results.
I've been looking through the booklets the school made me lug home yesterday. NTU, NUS, SMU, SIM, MDIS, UNSWA, IDP blahblah. I've registered for NTU, haha talk about being kiasu. But it's because the thought of logging on again to finish up the application later during the month is yucky.
I feel terrible now. SPCA needs volunteers during weekdays to mann the shelter phones but I cant make it because I decided to work again this month. I chose money over volunteerism, over helping the poor animals and that's what's making me feel bad. So what if I've an A? So what if I passed Alevels? I'm still a greedy capitalist pig after all.
Boo boo.. I shall now attempt to tan myself.
``larcenciel
Music: Doing Too Much - Paula Deanda Mood: beat
10:40 AM
Thursday, March 01, 2007
So Kiss Me
I found out that makeout sessions have been shown to lower levels of lgE, an antibody that is responsible for sneezing and stuffy noses. Hmm, antibodies cause illnesses? Anyway it must be true because ever since the girlfriend's been gone, I've been down with a cold. Hell, I even had to nurse a fever and blocked nose for about a week.
But if my stuffy nose stops it may mean I'm.... hahaha kidding lah I wont!
After tpj this morning, I trained to Bugis and bought a pair of jeans. But I still cant find a place that sells nice black skinny jeans! Correction, black skinnies that dont make me look daft. Anyway, I also bought tanning oil...on an impulse, I suppose. I do want to get a nice tan but I dont know if this oil works.
Results are coming out tmr *bites nails* Oh, but the gf called just now! So happy to hear from her =) I should buy more cards so that I can talk to her more but expensiveeee... And damn. Talking to her... it's just never enough. Never enough.
``larcenciel
Music: Say It's Possible - Terra Naomi Mood: crazy