Rule no 1, Poker's all about deception. It's about pretending your hand is better than it really is. It's about psyching up the other player to your advantage. You gotta know when to bluff and how far to push it.
Second rule, leave your emotion at the door. You gotta play the hand you dealt so dont get involved in other people's bullshit, that just gets in the way.
Third rule, Poker's not for the wussy player alright? Sometimes, you gotta go all in. Place your bet, then commit to your hand.
So I'm gonna go ALL IN now.
``larcenciel
Music: Iris - Goo Goo Dolls Mood: happy
5:08 PM
Friday, February 23, 2007
Cockroach Advice
Mix one tablespoon of flour with one tablespoon of sugar and one tablespoon of Borax (some kinda washing powder) Mix to a thick paste with a little water and spread on to a sheet of greaseproof paper. Bake this in a moderate oven until dry and crisp. Break into small pieces and put one piece into a jar top and place one in each room. No cockroaches for as long as the mixture lasts!
``larcenciel
Music: none Mood: motherly
1:17 PM
More Than Woman
The problem with being a lesbian is that it's almost unavoidable to be a feminist as well, or at least sound like one. Well, I'm definitely not a feminist. The definition of a feminist is, as one dictionary put, someone who advocates feminism (woah big help) or, more specifically, someone who advocates equal rights for women. Men and women, equal? HAHA big joke. Because I strongly believe that tomorrow is a woman's world, how can men ever be on equal standing as women? That's too insulting to us, but that's a different story.
So I was talking about sounding like a feminist, thanks to watching Devil Wears Prada for the second time in 2weeks. I hate the fact that it's totally okay for a guy to do well in his career and not get blamed when his personal life is so-called hanging by the thread (or whatever expression they use) and yet it's fucking wrong for a woman to do the same. Why is it that the world just cant stand it when others around them succeed? Our poor heroine here starts soaring in her job, but her friends and boyfriend tell her that she's changed and that they no longer know her blahblah EMO stuff. So in the end she quits her job and guess what? Her boyfriend says that he's moving out of town cos he got a great job offer and she has to be absolutely cool with that.
Ok yeah maybe it's cos I dont have a conscience or a heart....I was actually hoping she would ditch the boyfriend and continue working with Runway magazine. Guess it's the power that excites me. Uh oh Leandra is a potential asshole bitch who would do anything for money, fame and prestige oooo scary scary.
No. I just dont think people should be so needy this way. Especially men. It's pathetic. Thank goodness for females.
It's about the third day the gf's been gone. If I try hard enough, I can still pretend nothing is missing. If I dont, everything will still go on so why make myself miserable? No worries about me! Leandra is a shitass bitch so she'll live ;)
I should exercise again tomorrow.
``larcenciel
Music: Scandal - Kang Ta & Vanness Wu Mood: indignant
1:24 AM
Wednesday, February 21, 2007
Lovesick Overload
*groans* I feel like I had a hangover last night. A really bad one. My head feels like it's spinning and I'm feeling dizzy. Cant see things properly (ok, I'm not wearing spects but wth) and I feel like shitting. And one more thing, I feel like a goddamned lovesick girl.
I dont know how to go about dealing with this. I could either act as if everything was still a-okay or wallow in self-pity. Or I could do a mixture of both. Let myself feel sad and yet move on at the same time.
When I woke up this morning I looked outside the window and a particular oldie came to mind:
Why does the sun go on shinning? Why do the birds go on singing? Dont they know it's the end of the world Now that you're not here anymore.
Okay, I made up some parts but the essence is there. After that song replayed in my head, another one took it's place:
And now that you've gone I cant cry hard enough No I cant cry hard enough For you to hear me now.
And then:
And the world just keeps on turning It has no way of knowing that you're gone
Makes the tears fall, fall, fall. They just keep falling. They cant stop falling. They cant fall enough. And the sappy lovesongs keep springing up in my head like daisies. Fuck, I hate daisies.
I'm a wreck. Maybe L Word can help me out abit.
``larcenciel
Music: none Mood: wrecked
2:50 PM
Tuesday, February 20, 2007
Colourful Tapes and Tears
Chinese New Year 07 was cool! After visiting, we drove down to IKEA at tampines and feasted on meatballs, chicken wings and cold prawns. Thinking about it makes me hungry =X Some picts since I'm too lazy to talk about it and (like I vulgar-ly declared in a previous post) because I am becoming a cam whore.
Met up with Joel and co at night to catch Jack Neo's latest film, Just Follow Law. A great movie, absolutely true and funny. But funny in a sad way. The show was basically about how much red tape and rigidness there is in the Singapore public sector and I especially liked one of the last few lines, In Singapore everyone follows the rules and goes by the book. But there is just one rule that only a few follow, and that is filial piety.
Just thought that was appropriate, especially with CNY here. Maybe we should stop taking family gatherings and visiting relatives etc as a chore, which I must admit that sometimes I do feel that way. I guess mostly, blood is thicker than water.
See, there are other times, albeit rare, that water can be thicker than blood. Because this water is so concentrated with a myriad of things like love, commitment, tolerance, trust, understanding, friendship and more. And believe me, it is so so thick. So so concentrated. So so heavy.... that it's hard to let go.
I know that along the way, I've hurt alot of people in my own pursuit of what I think is right and what I want. I know that I've probably made more enemies or, worse, enemies in guise of friends, and it's really sad. But when I think about it again, perhaps I never really had much to begin with to lose much on the way. Or perhaps because I'm already finally living. Not someone else's life, not someone else's ideal. It's Leandra's.
And the world just keeps on going it has no way of knowing that you're gone
``larcenciel
Music: Smells Like Teen Spirit - Nirvana Mood: blue
3:42 AM
Sunday, February 18, 2007
Holy Theft
I found out that:
In September 2003, Skehan and Guinan misappropriated $8.6 million over 42 years, giving $134,000 to a girlfriend, made a rare-coins purchase for $275,000 and owned an oceanfront condominium worth $455,000, took on expensive vacations to Las Vegas and the Bahamas; a $220,000 renovation of his residence and payments to his own paramour, which amounted to about $47,000.
Sounds like an ordinary case of embezzlement, no? Well, they were Rev. John Skehan and Rev. Francis Guinan, pastors of St Vincent Ferrer Catholic Church (yeah and that's not even the Vatican) Or wait, does that make this case seem more ordinary then?
So in the end, we are all flawed no matter what we do or say or preach. If you would stop pretending that some people are lower than others, then maybe I can start pretending that there your God exists. It's a win-win situation.
Anyway, dont let the pilfering priests dampen this festive mood, Happy Chinese New Year fellows!
``larcenciel
Music: none Mood: indifferent
9:23 AM
Thursday, February 15, 2007
Piece by Peace
In the car just now my dad was talking to me about true love. It went something like this: Like is very different from Love. When you like someone it's only attraction. But for Love, it's about sacrificing for her, accepting her everything and about commitment. Sometimes you would have to tolerate her too. And of course, there's attraction.
The important part is, despite my dad knowing that he is talking to me, he still says, HER. Not that I'm complaining of course. Suits well with me ;)
``larcenciel
Music: Out Through the Curtain - Like Vines Mood: amused
11:37 PM
When You Say "It's Okay"
I believe in karma, so I must have done something really really really mean to someone to get disgusting hives all over my body. I itch periodically for a prolonged period of time and the offending spot will form a hideous lump for approximately 15 minutes before subsiding. Imagine that happen to u for 3days. When I say whole body, I mean whole body. From head to toe. It's absolutely irritating and gross.
But anyway, because I also believe in medical science, I must have eaten something wrong to cause this allergic reaction. The problem is that I just cant think of any abnormal thing I did on Monday to cause this reaction. The only thing "out of the blue" was that I met up with Nur. And I cant be allergic to her...right? lol.
Henceforth, since the science logic has failed, I gather this must be retribution for something awful i did in the past. Now that seems a more likely reason because the amount of bad things I've done in my entire lifetime (which is only about 18 years 2 months, btw) is....well, let's just say, alot. I wonder how such an ugly and messed up person can actually still be living right now. Hmm, I probably did something really really nice to someone else before then.
No, jokes aside. It's not funny. I am despicable and selfish. I am conniving and scheming. I am not understanding nor patient and kind. If you knew the kinds of things I did, you would be completely disgusted. Or maybe you already know. And no, it's not okay. So what if I'm sorry? So what if I know that I'm bad? I still did it anyway, right? And you know the worst part? If you turned back time for me, I would probably still have done what I did. How fucked up I must sound.
So yes, I deserve the hives. All the hives in the world.
``larcenciel
Music: Love Song for a Saviour Mood: itchy
4:25 PM
Monday, February 12, 2007
Oh, Yippee
I feel like uploading some photos, so here they are.
Fuck. I think I'm becoming a cam whore. And a vulgar one at that.
``larcenciel
Music: none Mood: retarded
9:42 PM
S.O.S
It's like, in Life if you wanna go far, being good enough really just isnt enough. You need to know how to sell yourself well. Watching The Apprentice worried me. How could I ever promote myself like that? And really, how can I lie so much? I'm too aware of all my imperfections and limits that I cant even begin to praise myself.
I dont have much of a choice though, do I? What's worse is that I'm pushing myself into the "Business/sales" pit because I have no idea, no idea at all, what I wanna do in future. And like my boss said, every job requires you to sell something. Be it yourself, a product, a service - selling is big business. Since I'm still very much lost at the crossroads, I'll take this so-called general option.
I've been swimming in the clouds with pretty flowers and angels for the past 2 months or so. It's finally sinking in that A'level results are coming out and so I gotta really consider what I wanna do in uni. Am I gonna stay in sunny (choking) Singapore or am I gonna get my butt outta here and finally be able to breathe? I dont know. Doesnt help that the gf is heading to Melbourne for 6years... does make me wanna fly off too. Oh crap I need help. Life and it's hard decisions =X
Meanwhile, I'm gonna look forward to Pepperlunch! Ate there with bastard friends on Sat night it was utterly amazing. So I've made the gf take me there later. Ahh cant wait.
``larcenciel
Music: Buttons - Pussycat Dolls Mood: confused
1:11 AM
Wednesday, February 07, 2007
I'm Bleeding
It's not like I really wanna be a big feminist lesbo but watching, reading or hearing things that cut so much make me want to hurl and cry. Here's a scene I watched. The "Effing Bitch" as you should be able to gather, is a Fucking Bitch because she has no regard for other people's feelings. Yeah contrary to popular belief, homosexuals are humans too meaning we HAVE FEELINGS TOO meaning saying unfeeling and hurtful things do break us too. Oh by the way, she's a Christian. Hmm, makes sense now?
Effing Bitch: Do you believe in God, Ms Porter? Bette: I dont see what God has to do with our discussion about the Art Museum. Effing Bitch: Cos if you did this wouldnt be complex. You see, God has already done the work of sorting through all of this for us. Faith makes seemingly complex things simple and obvious. The bible condemns homosexuality. That's why God took your unborn child away from your lesbian lover. And that was a blessing. That baby is with Him now. So he doesnt have to suffer the degradation he would have been subjected to had he been born to your depraved life.
Fuck you. No, really, fuck you bitch. Aint no clean and sweet post cos anyone who is as insensitive and imposing as the Effing Bitch up there deserves all the swears in the world. The scenario here is simple. Bette is fighting for the right for an Art Museum to not be closed down. Effing Bitch is a sweet and abiding God follower. She says that the Art Museum's works are pornographic and to "protect the public and their morality" the Art Museum should be shut down. Oh God follower, indeed.
I know I shouldnt be fuelling my hatred for religion like that. Okay, I'm not hating the religion. Maybe I let myself be too choked up with emotions but the crux of the matter is that I dont hate God. I dont hate Christians. I hate people who discriminate against others. Especially discrimination against homosexuals. It just so happens that the bulk of these assholes come from the Christian family. You know what? I dont fucking care if you think our lifestyle is wrong or whatnot. I dont care about what you think. As long as you dont impose your own perfect "goodness" on us, I dont give a shit.
But at the end of the day it just hurts. It hurts so bad to have someone say that of you. Can you imagine? No you cant imagine.... What if one day you had a miscarriage? And someone came up to you and said that it serves you right. That God took the child to prevent him from suffering the "degradation of being born into" a homosexual family.
Yes. Degradation. You know why? Because your God knows, man he fucking knows that his simple little followers simply do not have the capacity to handle differences nor the maturity to understand that Love transcends all and that there are no boundaries. And please, if being Gay was a choice, who would choose such exquisite pain?
Oh fuck. I feel like my whole body is bleeding everywhere right now. I feel like my insides are folding in and being devoured by some thing that's so vicious and it's growing bigger and bigger everyday until one day it would have finally eaten every part of me and then, maybe, the tears would stop falling and my heart would stop beating and I wouldnt be so so so fucking mad. Wont be so fucking pissed nor fucking heartbroken anymore.
``larcenciel
Music: none Mood: devastated
7:49 PM
Sunday, February 04, 2007
With Mirrors
Today was spent (mostly) with Neha! Met her for Starbucks at Orchard then walked her to The American Club for her scholarship interview. It's sucha secretive place. It's fenced all around and on top of that, there were weeds/bushes creeping on the fences, as if trying to camouflage the building. Apparently it isnt on the locality maps to prevent any possible erm, terrorist attack. Oh well, what to do? Everyone hates AmeriKa now, I guess XD
Hung around Far East while waiting for her to finish the interview. Then headed to Thaipan for dinner with xinyi and wanjie. Great fun =))
Suddenly, or maybe not so suddenly, friends are jetting off to study. And it's not just study for the sake of studying, but for their own sake, their own likes, passion and whatnot. I cant help but admire them, in particular, someone who's striving to make a difference for animals. I wish I had the guts to enrol in Murdoch and commit myself to 6 years of gruelling vet science course. I'm afraid that I might lose the passion along the way.... you know? It's like so far I've never been able to be right about any one thing. I really doubt my so-called passion. How pathetic, but it's true.
Ive mentioned this particular friend in one of my older entries before. How brave she was, and still is. It's crazy. I mean, we're both humans...but I feel so much smaller than her. Things like these make you less complacent about your Life. At least for me it does. Mine isnt enough. Not yet anyway.
EMO things aside, basic pay's in! The gf accompanied me to bank the sweet lil' cheque in =D Gave the parents and grandparents 50 each. Giving is sucha wonderful thing. If only I had more.
``larcenciel
Music: Miss You More - BB Mak Mood: strange
12:10 AM
Thursday, February 01, 2007
Glistening
I helped wanjie dye her hair black today! *beams* she looks wonderful with her dark hair now. Save for the teeny weeny golden patch on the right side of her head. Haha! It isnt THAT bad lah... Just abit odd...
Truth is, I've never really appreciated homecooked food much until I started selling TIME with my fellow Emit colleagues. Now that I'm not working, I take the effort to come home to eat. It's funny but there is a world of difference between homecooked food and outside food, and no I'm not going to say that I can taste the TLC and whatnot mushy stuff. More like, homecooked food (for 6 Bedok Garden, at least) is GUARRANTEED to excite your tastebuds and rile up your appetite with it's goodness and tastiness. Outside food, on the other hand, isn't always so marvellous. And it's, more often than not, more unhealthy.
Like today, I came home just for dinner. My grandmom cooked pork chops in brown sauce with pineapple, peas, carrots and long beans. Absolutely delightful!
Our breath rose in the cold like a hundred souls escaping
Save me, I am swallowed by the guilt of this You're gone, sleeping in the dust We will not let time erase us